Born on October 29th, 1976, I had a twin sister who held me back two minutes. When I was two, I was kidnapped by ninjas who took me to their stronghold in asia and trained me in their ways. I returned to America, a number of years later, a "killing machine". Since then I have wandered the land doing good deeds, healing communities and finding a new superhot girl every week. My twin sister has become my grand nemesis, living a life of crime, thrift stores and white longhaired Persian cats in New York City. For some reason, each of these little "episodes" in my life reaches a cathartic conclusion every week. I'm not sure why that is...
To hear my parents tell it, the story is totally different. They claim that I was raised in New Orleans until I was 10 when my father graduated from law school and we moved to Delaware and then to Maine where I spent 11 years. For some reason, they don't believe that during my time at Bowdoin college I was jetsetting down to Panama City every weekend to put an end to various drug cartels and such. They also think I was just "studying art" when I was studying abroad in Paris, during my junior year. They do, however, believe that since I am currently attending graduate school in Salt Lake City, nothing but evil can ensue. It's a Salt Lake City thing I guess.